College days! The days that have passed, but the days that we remember years after. When I was a kid and I was tired of being a kid, in school, the dreams about passing out my school days, and getting into college always gave me hope.
This hope was not only related to starting something new, but it was a hope disguised as all my desires to fulfill and live.
College is obviously a place for us grown kids or kids wanting to grow. But it is, and can also be a place for adults and professionals who want to contribute to the overall growth of the kids, and learn to be the same, at the same time.
Coming to my college days, once upon a time I went to college and what I am about to share is not a story that has an ending, but an experience that did end, or a friendship that did end, or a happy part of my life that did end, but yes, I am here, and so are those memories.
Before I talk about my first day of college, because that's how everyone likes to start or initiate their college days conversations, I would start it by talking a day before the start of my college. Actually 2 days before the start of my college life. It was July 25, 2009. And it was my birthday, so now you see why I went 2 days back and before.
To be honest, I don't remember much about the birthday and how my day went, but I do remember me remembering about the college start date. Keeping it in mind and thinking about the first day of college. Making a list of things and desires, and not thinking about anything else in the world.
So when the morning of July 27, 2009 dawned, I got hit by something. It was my morning 6 AM alarm. I knew at that moment instantly, that this tune i.e the alarm will haunt my mornings for the coming 3 years at least now.
Cut to me sitting in the classroom and waiting for a hot female teacher to come. And yes, it was a female teacher, but maybe just like the weather at that time...not really hot.
But I kept hope for the 2nd lecture, and the 3rd lecture and through the whole day. What happened? Nothing related to the teacher to share, but I did talk to a lot of people in my class, and I found a friend.
The next day itself, she changed her course from IT and joined the Computer Engineering class (as I was told).
I thought to do the same, but hey, did she think about me or our one day friendship (Too emo me).
That was just the start of the many setbacks that I had and felt in college.
Let's focus on my biggest setback. It was when I left my home for 2 days because I hadn't only failed in my exams and as many as 14 subjects, but also because I failed and betrayed the trust of my family members.
I was very good in studies, a topper in school, but in my college days, I started to focus more on becoming good at gaming. And I did become a skilled, hell of a gamer, but studies and playing games are like two different sides of a coin, or 2 political parties that will forever see the other as bad.
I won some local gaming competitions and I wanted to become a professional gamer. I started practicing a lot too much, in which I forgot to balance out the study part. I failed (in my 2nd year diploma), I lied (to my family members),
I failed again (in my 2nd year diploma), I lied again. But I kept practicing and preparing for a national gaming event.
That national gaming event happened only twice a year, and I thought that if I could win this, maybe I can redeem myself and for all the failures, and maybe all would be forgiven or at least understood.
The national gaming event "WCG" which was to happen in my State and City, got transferred to another State. And after all these failures (in studies) and lying (to my family), I couldn't just lie again and travel to a different state.
So I gave up and on August 5th, 2012, I left my home. I didn't eat anything for 2 days, I slept on stations, and I tried to end my life.
That's it. That's all I wanna share for now.
You may think or term those memories as "regret", but the 2 days that I left home and was all on my own, those 2 days gave me a 2nd new life. A life that I am still living now from all those experiences lived.
And I have always believed that regret is a waste of experience, which is why I don't regret and I don't waste myself for anything now.
To end this, all I wanna say is, "Anything that ends is life. So well, College was a life. A life that I lived, and a life that ended in itself.
But here we are, and if not us, the memories shall forever remain!
